Down but not out

Setbacks.  We all have them.  I know that as much as the next person but that never makes it any easier to stomach.  I am by nature a perfectionist and a consummate overachieving that makes writing like this difficult.  This little blog of mine, a little place to write, to vent to share is also something I seek to be successful at.  But as of yet that doesn’t appear to be happening.

I’m 37 years old and have achieved most of what I’ve set out to do and sometimes I’ve succeeded at things I had no intention of achieving so when things don’t quite go to plan I find myself question my own ability.  As a teacher I know success is a about drive, perseverance and resilience all things I haven’t always had in spades.  My drive has often been powered by emotional eating and serious weight gain.  While my perseverance in years gone by has been overpowered by shame of failure.  I am not resilient.  I, like many, take things personally.  I often struggle to see failing as a way of learning and development that will take you to success instead I often see it as a reflection of my poor abilities.

All this applied until today.  Today I received an email that told me my little blog, my little space to write, to freely express things that mean something to me wasn’t good enough.  I won’t pretend I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach a feeling of overwhelming shame that what I write isn’t good enough to be read, to be engaged with or to reach someone out there in cyberspace.  But this time I’m not prepared to run away.  I may not have found the person who touched or inspired by what I write.  I may not have found my niche, my following, my mojo …..yet.  But yet is the important word because I won’t give up I don’t plan to fail just need to remember the things I tell my students failure is just a FIRST ATTEMPT IN LEARNING.  I appreciate I may not have learnt enough yet but I’m here to hopefully make some kind of difference to someone.