I saw a reflexologist this week….took just a little time out for me. Like so many Mammy’s we spend a lot of time keeping the plates spinning in our households we forget those small moments that time for you. So when the reflexologist said you’re a wreck and its because you’ve forgotten yourself I wasn’t surprised but a little taken back.
I sit and think……I sit and wait…….what did I ever do for fun? Gone are the days when vegging in front of Jeremy Kyle helped me relax. Watching the craziness unfold used to take me away from the routines I needed to do. Can’t imagine the partying of old… not just cos alcohol doesn’t agree with me anymore but because I feel so out of place surrounded by the young and beautiful people. Plus I forgot how painful heels are. They really are implements of torture even if they do make your legs look amazing. So as I sit and hope to relax but it’s here…. I have that big fat Mammy guilt…..I look around and think about the mountain of washing, the dinner that needs cooking, the toys that need to be put away and think of all the things I should be doing and can’t switch off. Lists and routines run through my head at 90mph. Seriously begin to wonder if when they made me they forgot to include the off switch. If the reflexologist is right I really do need consider installing my own. But what do you do? Can’t see me meditating or doing yoga. Since having the children my core muscles are decidedly non-existent so getting into those hilarious positions without falling face first would be miraculous. Colouring in? Tried that I liked it but as I colour I think about what I’ll make for dinner or do the online shop that desperately needs doing. I’ve become so used to multi-tasking it feels so unproductive to just sit and colour. So…….this is it I find a saving grace my writing. It might not always interest everyone but you know what I have done something today for me.
Gone are the days of putting myself first….that doesn’t make me sad. In fact I love that I have been blessed with so many people in my life to love and take care of. I love being a wife, being a Mammy and having my own home. But I guess that I do need to find a little window for me to take breathe to take stock so when I come back I get to enjoy the view of my beautiful life and appreciate my blessings even more.