Tired isn’t a strong enough word

No one warns you that with motherhood comes the never ending feeling of tiredness.  When you read the books and watch the telly you see these mother earth types embracing motherhood getting the usual sleep even lie ins.

Lie ins?  Lie ins?  Goodness me its been a while.  Oh how I used to love to sleep late …… really late like almost lunchtime late.  Now I’m lucky if we get to 7.30 before someone is shouting Mammy can I have some cereal?  or Mammy is it morning?  Years ago 7.30am was officially the middle of the night.  Someone told me a Gro clock would relieve my sleepless pain.  Nah no chance now they shout just to check it’s still working when they don’t believe it’s still night time.

I think I could single handedly keep the coffee farmers going with the amount I consume just to feel half alive.  The twins are 4 now I thought the tiredness would have gotten easier by now but nooooooooooo like the title said tired isn’t a strong enough word anymore I’m exhausted, shattered a broken women.   I think I know why.  Cos unlike my grandmother and great grandmother I’m consumed with trying to be the best at more than one job.  I’m back to work full time for the first time this year since my twin boys were born and it’s really hard.  The past realities of being a stay at home mum who concentrated on the upbringing of her children aren’t something that I could consider full time.  The irony is that my teenage years were consumed with my feminist ideals of becoming the best at career, at work and having equality with my male counterpart.  Now as a 30something Mammy I envy the past generations of Mammy’s whose choices were made for them and home was their career path.  I sometimes wish that I could choose and embrace just one job maybe then I wouldn’t be quite so tired.

Rather than moan maybe I should just accept that sleeps for wimps and the childhood of my child is so short mother nature is simply training me to withstand all pressures so that I never miss a minute.

Cuddle Fairy

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